“Chocolate Cake Made Me Late” – Gabriel Iglesias

“Chocolate Cake Made Me Late” – Gabriel Iglesias

One night… I got eleven cakes Eleven And I took em home cause I was local And that’s a fight no one has ever had at
three o’clock in the morning No one Cause you don’t just walk into the
house with eleven cakes You make some noise, you know? Fricken… And I walk in with the last two cakes And my girlfriend is in the kitchen What the hell is this?! I’m trying to be cute It’s a bakery Where did you get this cake? The people at the show brought it baby Are you gonna eat all of? Well eventually… Not gonna do it in one hit you know? Freakin two days later… Clear! How do you know someone isn’t trying to poison you? I’m like with cake? Are you serious? What is it? Like you live by the cake you
die by the cake, you know? So we’re going back and forth arguing at
three o’clock in the morning We wake up our kid And here he comes Into the kitchen… What’s going on? You guys are arguing… Where did the cake come from? The people at the show brought it Tell them I said thank you I’ll tell em you said thank you How come they give you cake? Cause ten years ago I did a joke where I said I love chocolate cake And now people give me cake You should say you love transformers… I’ll start doing it, alright? So we’re going back and forth My girl’s like put em to bed I go you gotta go to sleep Frankie And he’s like…. You want some cake? Yeah So I grabbed one of the eleven cakes That someone brought It was like a little one A little Walmart one With a plastic cover and the sticker and the seal So I knew it was cool So it’s a little cake and I handed it to him I go, here! He goes, a piece? I go no dude it’s a little
cake you can have the whole thing And the look that came over his face… Was like he got a gift from God I said here And he’s like… Take it you’re room Next morning I go to take him to school He’s in the bathroom crying right? You ok? My stomach Too much cake? Yeah… Was it good? Hell yeah I’ll meet you in the car 15 minutes later he comes out to the car He’s all sweating Get in the car and.. 45 minutes late to school… Usually when I drop him off It’s like on the side of the school 10 minutes early or right on the dot It’s nice they set up cones There’s a supervisor to make sure your kid Gets out of the car okay But when you’re late There’s nobody there So I figured, why leave him on the side of the school? I’ll just drop him off in front You’re not supposed to do that… I didn’t know and I don’t really care
we’re late We’re late Go! Gabriel I’m not supposed… Just go! So he cracks the door And from out of nowhere Here comes the principal And I know that’s who it is because he’s losing it It’s the principal It’s the principal I’m like dude relax… I’m 32, I don’t give a damn! Here comes the principal… Sir? Sir? This is not the designated drop-off area Please take your child to the other side
of the school You cannot leave him here I was like watch this That’s how you do it homeboy, that’s how you do it! That principal was amazing Cause she was like

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  1. When you start a video and a comedian as good as he is says " So one night I had 11 cakes " I laughed my ass off , stopped the video and though to myself ….. I sure the rest of the video was funny as hell …..

  2. I was listening to this during CJAD's Comedy Hour, and the last bit about taking his kid to school,…. I almost chocked on my lunch. Hi from Montreal!

  3. Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

  4. This is why you need to learn how to speak Spaninglinese. No one will understand you because 1 in 5 million Chinese kids take Spanish in high school and the ones who do never become principals.

  5. Damn I remember when I first watched this video I was a senior in high school 😳 time flies…

  6. I'm here because I just finished watching "One Show Fits All" on Netflix. I love you, Fluffy!!! You made me laugh and cry on that netflix special

  7. I laugh so hard man and I'm pretty sure you take the cake for being the best comedian thank you you made my day

  8. I absolutely love this man!!!!!! Ha! Ha! Lol. He is hysterical!!!!! And really really funny!!!!! Lol πŸ˜‚πŸ₯°β€οΈπŸ˜†πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ™ŒπŸ°β€οΈπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  9. Gabriel Iglesias
    Is the funniest mo-fo ever 🀜
    Keep doing your thing homie
    Strait love from Britsh Columbia 🍁

  10. His jokes are nice but it's the story telling, the energy with which he delivers that truly makes his performances shine, he's fluffyly adorable πŸ˜‰

  11. I wanted to pass this on to you cause i know you like vw buses. Its a cartoon 24 window bus. Google it i think youll get a kick out of it.

  12. You are my cure to depression and I’m not the only one thank you so muck for what you do
    God bless you and have a good day

  13. My neighbor once gave me 3 pies from a food bank she went to. She didn't want to eat them up. 2-3 days later imy fibromyalgia is flaring. Muscle pain galore. But man those trader Joe's pies were good.
    This is also why I give my elderly friend any big sweets when I go to help him carry stuff from the food bank. Actually I give him most of it anyway. The Tulsa dream center gives you tons of food. More than one person & two little cats can eat. Plus I'm not giving cats good human food. Although they still share mine to a point.

  14. That principle must have bought a cheap foreign language phrase book from the 99 cent store πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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